One of Charlotte’s recent Facebook Posts & one of the more thought provoking responses (thanks Joe).
Charlotte Rickert"I thought I could “own it”...wear the scarfs in public strong and proud. Epic fail. I just can’t handle the sympathy and comments in the hospital, restaurants, pharmacies...etc. I’ll be doing wigs in public with strangers- with probably a hat as it gets cold from here out.
Get this- while waiting at Outpatient Lab I had an older lady holding a 3 day old infant look at me and say “Seems everyone needs something here, those who just beginning their life and those who are at the end”...followed by “I love your scarf and necklace” WTH? I didn’t have any quick comeback, I just walked away. Then at Fargos this sweet cashier is staring at my head and stumbled and says “I I love your...ah...necklace?” sympathy pasted all over her face. It was just way too much for me. I can’t handle it on top of everything else. I just want to blend in and not make people uncomfortable. I know what the comments will be- “screw them” “ don’t give a crap what people think”. Well, easier said than done for me. I’m strong but maybe not that strong."
Joe Loetscher Wow! This is real and provocative. I think when people notice the scarf the reality of cancer makes them feel vulnerable because we all don't want it. "It" being that anything that scares us. When we feel uncomfortable and vulnerable and our need to show compassion hits we don't know what to say so we say something. Floating our words out there hoping it will make us feel better and make the scarf wearer feel better too. But we don't know. Our response is an avoidance of greif and discomfort maybe. My guess is when people comment on your scarf you feel vulnerable and exposed, and the truth of cancer become palpable and the absence of feeling a gracious response to the commenter compounds your vulnerability. (Just my personal guess projected into this story as I try to feel your experience. Not an easy task.) Maybe silence is the better response but silence can be deafening when we face existential fears and don't know how to react.
Thank you, I really appreciate the rawness and truth of your post.
Charlotte Rickert "Thanks Joe. Yeah it was a much more complicated decision to make then I suspected. It’s not just “all about me” it about all the people I come in contact with who have been touched by this experience."
Joe Loetscher it is kinda weird but in a way you are a poster child for our vulnerabilities and strength and our shame because we haven't the strength or courage to be vulnerable.
I can't imagine just how incredibly difficult and complicated your world is right now. Of course you face the challenges of health and daily living in a world that isn't necessarily forgiving of illness but all the existential angst that is messily packaged in the society around you.
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